Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Five - Returning Some Videotapes

I was always in a hurry to learn to read and conquer bigger and longer books with smaller print and larger words. I learned to read when I was very young and these days I speed through whatever it is that I am reading. It's not really something that I am proud of - but I do tend to speed read everything. This means that I spend my meagre fortune on books and I read them in a couple of evenings. This isn't terribly economical and I've been considering joining the li-berry as a result. And yet, I was curious to see just how fast I do read and could read if I pushed myself a bit so today I speed read a book. The book is just a couple pages shy of being 400 pages with moderately small font [a very nice font actually, though it doesn't list the name] and I read it in about three hours. I have no idea if this is good or not, although I did actually read and not skim which would have been quicker.

The book in question is American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. Reading this book has become something of a summer tradition [except for last summer when I read Anna Karenina, which is also a fine summer book and highly recommended - American Psycho is not highly recommended as I can think of precisely no one who I know that would enjoy this book]. It's an incredibly verbose book and even though I was speed reading I did find myself re-reading parts of it...but then yes I did gloss over all of the references to audio equipment and one of the rants on music. This book is so, so summer though. Not the sweet, romantic days of summer...but more of a dog days of summer book when you are sick of being hot and always covered in a thin film of sweat and excessively irritable even in the most idea of situations. This book does nothing to relieve these feelings - in fact it makes them worse. I ended up reading it in the bathtub because it gives one the irresistible urge to remove your insides and scrub them clean. I dunno - it's like a mosquito bite that is fun to itch...it's bad for you, but you can't help yourself.

[another summer book that i would consider recommending is my summer of love by helen cross. it gives off the same feelings as american psycho, but is infinitely milder. also, the author is one of joseph's relatives.]

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Four - Very A-Peeling

I freely admit that I stole this ET from original thing-a-dayer Jen - in fact it was one of the first things that she did when I started following her blog, if I recall correctly. It's also something that I've had in mind since forever as I have always had very flexible and utilitarian feet [in addition to being short, stubby and hobbit-esque]. Never a fan of bending over - I used to pick up everything with my feet/toes - with quite a bit of precision and care. I started wondering - what else can I do with my feet?

Tonight - in a valiant attempt to fight off the ever-increasing horde of fruit flies I peeled a banana with my feet. I didn't quite eat the banana with my feet, but almost as a goodly amount of banana did get on my feet. They are clean. Let me tell you something - no matter how awkward the photo looks - this is a shockingly easy task - to peel a banana with one's feet. I was fully prepared for an epic struggle and I was bracing myself for a test of patience and endurance. Not necessary. I think the key is having a banana that is ripe, although not overly so. Also, if you have strong feet - I'm not sure mine are particularly strong, but I do exercise them specifically quite a bit. Yoga and pilates both require strong, functional feet. This was great fun though - I encourage you to give it a try. Don't let our other primate friends have all the fun...

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Three - I'm Lovin' It

I don't often go in for McDonald's [or McDo as I call it]. Every so often I get a yearning for their breakfast and I actually get myself organized enough before 11am to go get it [okay - usually Joseph does this - it requires considerable effort]. When we were in Florence we ate McDo for breakfast both mornings and then felt incredibly...not good...in the intense Italian humidity for several hours [especially the morning that they accidentally doubled my order and I ate both orders as I'm a little piggie]. Still - it's delicious. But other than my custom-made Egg McMuffin, McDo does not have a lot to offer me. And yet, like those poor neighbourhoods in California that have too many fast food places and will thusly be prevented from having any more...my neighbourhood is sorely lacking for fresh and healthy options. There's...McDo...and...that's it.

So tonight Joseph was out doing his work thing and I was not inspired to cook for myself...so I thought - why not have some McDo for dinner? Indeed, why not. So many fat kids. Seriously. It was unreal. Anyway - as the queue was gigantic, I started to get hungry [yes, that McDo aroma obviously warms my foodie tastebuds - ha!]. So, in addition to a drink + sandwich I wanted something more. Yet, the heat outside meant that a sundae would be very melty by the time I got home...so instead I had a McFlurry. Yeah, ummm - about that. I thought it was a milkshake. A milkshake flavoured with cookies or chocolate bar or something, but still - a drinkable type of thing. It's not. I got mine Rolo flavoured as I like caramel [but not Rolos]. It was...insane. The first few bites were a little piece of guilty indulgence heaven. And then...it went downhill quite rapidly. I was all sticky [and we all know how I feel about that - not good] and it just got all gross and sickly tasting. I know this might not be a valid complaint - but honestly there was too much stuff - too much chocolate and caramel and sweetness. I had to put it away. When I tried to eat it again...things were worse...it looked really vile. I was going to take a photo, but didn't want to risk being sued by McDo for showing their product in such a crummy way. Gross. What is that stuff anyway? It's surely *not* ice cream...

[yes. no updates - some minor catastrophes @ home - but i'm fine. joseph's family is here now so updates might be a little sporadic, but the ETs keep on rolling so stay tuned!]

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Two - Something Witty About Videogames

I think that Final Fantasy is one of the biggest cash cows in the videogame industry. I say this with absolutely no authority - just a hunch. It might not be the highest grossing series, but they seem to keep tweaking them, remaking them...and then people will buy them all over again. I don't think they have to invest much in these games to make them reasonably popular again. One of the first videogames that I really got into was Final Fantasy VII [me and like a million other eleven year olds]. While I still haven't finished it [one day...maybe] it really opened my eyes as to what a videogame could be. It won over my snobby non-gamer heart. And while I'm still just a casual gamer - it is something I do on an almost daily basis.

They have quite recently released Final Fantasy IV and tonight I finally cracked it open and I played Final Fantasy IV. Yeah, I could post a photo of the cover or maybe of me playing it, but I don't really feel that adds much value. Also, laziness. My fingers get mighty sore from playing with the DS - I get very intense when I play and much sweatiness and soreness insues [unless I'm playing Wii and then I have been known to punch myself in the face with whatever apparatus I'm using]. While I have struggled to find any other RPGs that I like even half as much as FFVII - I was really getting into the story and the characters. Right up until the moment when I was killed by some phallic-looking/mist-disappearing dragon thing. Just totally killed. Boo! I'm Cecil dammit! Cecil is clearly a super badass name, no?

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-One - Simply Gourd-ious

I have a puzzling relationship with pumpkin [well, gourds in general, but specifically pumpkin for today's purposes]. My birthday is indeed on Halloween and therefore it would be natural to assume that I have an amicable agreement with pumpkins and the holiday in general. You would be wrong. For the record, I think Halloween is quite something - provided that is not also your birthday. I require attention. *ahem* But pumpkins - I have never liked [except for their seeds, which I love, even though they upset my stomach]. Joseph played a videogame a little while ago wherein pumpkins would reign down upon the fair heroine's head and I could scarcely imagine anything more terrifying. But then...something happened this fall. I'm not sure if I was overly distraught over the Yankees poor post-season performance or what - but in some state I purchased a pumpkin pie, heated it up in the oven and actually ate it. And enjoyed it. Yeah, I know.


Tonight I decided to take it to the limit - my pumpkin fear, that is - and actually engage the pumpkin in some feat of cookery. I made pumpkin soup. And I liked it [I feel like that lame Katy Perry song]. Pumpkins are not in season, but fortunately tinned pure pumpkin [not pumpkin pie filling] is widely available. I actually overspiced it - perhaps in a misguided attempt to hide the pumpkin-ness of my creation, but it was still very good. Silky in texture, but curry-licious and ginger-y in taste [I could put ginger in anything and love it though]. While this was not a soup that I was originally planning to make [I still have a few to cross off my list], I am very glad that I did. Contrary to everyone's belief I don't enjoy being fussy with food [though I am] and I especially don't like being food phobic [people who write off entire foods tend to annoy, even when I'm one of them - especially when I'm one of them]. However, now I can get on with my life and start enjoying all of those pumpkin risottos and pumpkin raviolis that society has to offer. Maybe even...butternut squash...dun dun dun...

Day Two Hundred and Seventy - Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

I think I have mentioned previously my affection for the number five. I have strong feelings about letters as well and I have always loved the letter V. I did not connect the two until I was speaking with Joseph the other day about crazy old Alan Moore - the graphic novel guy. He suggested that since I like five and V I should read V For Vendetta since it has a lot of imagery and language around these two things. Aha! It's all coming together now. So today while out and about I picked up a copy and tonight I read V for Vendetta. Well, I started reading it and got about 2/3 of the way through. I tend to rush my reading - it's not something I'm proud of and in no way should suggest that a book was so great that I simply couldn't put it down. I simply can't put anything down.


In truth, I kinda wish that I would have bought his Batman graphic novel instead. Mostly because I quite like Batman and The Joker and The Killing Joke is supposed to be a great story. However, I was quite taken last week by an interview with Alan Moore wherein he sounded really angry and scary and I dunno...I just had to read something of his with more weight so that I could see more of his character. While I am not finished the book yet, I am largely unimpressed. It seems to be very Orwellian in theme, although this is not entirely represented in the characters. Despite not entirely enjoying the book, I am very interested in it [which I think sometimes counts for more than enjoyment and is a big reason why I adore David Lynch] and I want to see how it all turns out. I still don't get the ego on Moore though. Maybe the fact that it was his personality that is causing me to read this...maybe that's enough of a reason for egomania.

Still, V for Vendetta is clever, clever, clever for all of the V and five references. It tickles my brain/OCD in just the right spot. For that alone it is well worth a read and re-read.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Nine - Nature's Lullaby

So I've been waiting for a long time to do this ET. I have had the necessary elements purchased and waiting for the appropriate moment and tonight it finally happened. Of course, I saw The Dark Knight and to mark the occasion with something really extra fantastic I wore my pajamas to the movie theatre. Yup. I had purchased these pajamas about 3 months ago in anticipation of wearing them out on the town and I kept unworn until now. The top is pretty dull and looks like any sort of regular top that I would wear, but the bottoms are unmistakably PJs.



I wore bra and underpants so I guess this wasn't entirely authentic...but honestly I would have felt quite obscene without them [also, cold]. I considered wearing slippers, but a previous ET has taught me that despite the indoor sturdiness of slippers, outdoor wear should really not be considered [that's what finally killed my previous slippers]. Also, my pink Hello Kitty slippers clash. So yeah - off we went...Joseph said he wasn't embarassed to be seen with me, but I think that he was lying [my hair was also spectacularly done up and makeup too - though it's not pictured]. And honestly - no one seemed to notice or stare @ all [which is odd as I always think people are staring @ me when I'm dressed normally]. Two subway trains and a lengthy stay in Starbucks [we had to wait almost 2 hours for the film] and a tour around Queen West and no one was bothered. A little disappointing. I even strutted around in the lobby of the cinema, but there was nothing doing. And yet, one will be hard pressed ["one" being Joseph] to get to me wear normal clothes to the cinema ever again. This was infinitely more comfortable - I could eat/drink to my heart's content and not feel congested by clothes - and I could twist myself into all sorts of unnatural seating arrangements [it's what I do to feel comfortable, though they often look anything but] without worrying about flashing the audience. However, it was incredibly cold. Cinemas often are - but this was really, really cold. So, minus points for that. But still - now whenever I wear these PJs I can think of the awesomeness of TDK and all is right with the world...

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Eight - Family Ties

When I was growing up I spent a lot of time @ my grandparent's house - it was just three doors up from my elementary school. I got along very well with both of my grandparents, although it's fair to say that they were both a bit tempermental - I think it's clear where I got this from. My grandma would often complain that she was "blue" - well, not complain but if my dad asked her what was wrong she would say that she was just having a blue day. Now that I'm older and I have more than my fair share of blue days, I really get it. My family should get discounts on antidepressants [except that we're all too stubborn to take them]. But yeah. Not doing so great this week - stomach issues, insomnia and just general blueness.

Well, this afternoon I was cleaning under the bed [I find cleaning very therapeutic when I'm depressed - if my house is a sty, it's probably because I'm happy] and I found packets of photographs. I'm not really great @ putting photos in albums, but I am great @ buying photo albums. Anyway, most of these photos were ones that were taken by other family members and sent to me which I guess is part of the reason why they haven't found a home yet. I thought that looking @ the photos might cheer me up a bit - not sure that they did, but I started a photo album strictly for family photos. This was kinda sad as so many members of my family have died and even my cat and dog are no longer with us. So, mission not exactly accomplished. And while I'm still not really into scrapbooking [okay - I don't even really know what scrapbooking is] - I like the idea of grouping photos together in some meaningful fashion, other than simple chronology.


This is my favourite page thus far as it features my Guthrie looking super fierce, my devil-red graduation gown and a very nice photo of my parents on their 25th wedding anniversary.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Seven - 5-7-5

I have been planning on doing this one for quite a while - it was on my original "things to do" list...as were like a million other things that I haven't done yet and there are less than one hundred days left! Today I wrote celebrity haikus. I'm sure that everyone is familiar with haikus - they are the easiest form of poetry to write [except for maybe acrostic poems]. I like things that are easy and I also like celebrities. I tend to compose these haikus in my head while on ONTD, but I've never actually written them down. I also found out about this poetry game involving haiku and in the form of a party game - I might try that out too if I can find anyone who is also interested [seems unlikely - I don't know many poetry fans - I am not a poetry fan, although I do think that there is a certain haunting quality to some haiku].

Until now! And now here are my three favourites for your reading enjoyment, dear readers. I think that the subject matter is pretty evident. To be clear, they are three separate poems and should be enjoyed as such. Please feel free to send me your own! I was trying to think of one for Obama and one for McCain but my mighty brain did indeed fail me.

her look is toxic
lose the weave and get a bob
also, buy a bra

he is the batman
no worries - he can make bale
why so serious?

late night funnyman
the new yorker should just stop
colbert means satire

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Six - Laughing All The Way To The...

I used to kinda like going to the bank. The queueing. The velvet rope. The friendly people being forced into mispronouncing my last name. The chance to speak with someone outside of the house. Good times. But now my free time is more limited and I have no bank attached to my office. Also, now Shirtless Baby Man - my former upstairs neighbour - works @ my bank and that is a huge problem. This is a person who was not clever enough to separate rotting garbage from recycling so we ended up with a porch full o'maggots. Nothing quite like it in the summer heat. To say nothing of the smell. So, this is not someone I want handling all my financial wheelings and dealings, obviously. But - the Visa bill is here [that + phone are my only two bills] and it needs paying. What to do?

Well, since it offers the solution to 99% of life's problems and queries, I turned to the internets - that famed series of tubes. Thankfully, they were not clogged so I did internet banking! It really does warrant that exclamation mark, for all your naysayers. I have no idea why I have resisted this for so long. I do everything on the internet - my whole life is in these tubes. Even my mum does telephone banking. My main reason for holding off was probably my fear that setting up everything would involve too many passwords and other pesky things - but it really didn't. A friendly bank employee did it for me by phone - and then he lectured me on why I should do something with my money instead of just watching it get like negative interest in my various accounts. Thanks banking guy! I was then able to pay my bills and check out all of my past banking transactions. I will never have to leave the house again...except for trips to the grocery store.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Five - Ring The Alarm

When we moved into this house last August one of my main concerns was the gas cooker. As someone who enjoys cooking - the kitchen is the most important room in any home. This kitchen is nice enough - I like that it's right @ the entrance to the house - it's very welcoming that way. However, I was generally concerned that my cooking on a gas cooker would result in non-hilarious explosions or death by poisoning. Well now, eleven months later, I can say that I've now done everything to ensure that this won't happen as I installed a carbon monoxide alarm. So, no more attempted suicide by sticking my head in the oven yet. As the alarm is possibly the most obnoxious noise ever.



Yes, we got the alarm a long time ago, but I am very cautious with the cooker and use the fan all the time - I just didn't think it was a problem. Also, to be honest I was under the impression that it would be quite the procedure to install. It...was not. Though I did plug it in upside down - just for kicks. The biggest obstacle was that the alarm was packaged in that annoying hard plastic that is shaped around the object and is impossible to even cut through.

I still don't fully get the gas cooker. Like, I don't get how it's not killing me as it is poisonous. Especially when things get baked or whatever - seems to be like marinating something in poisonous gas might not be the best way to enjoy delicious food, but what do I know - I am not a scien-titian.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Four - Scenti-Lentil Journey

I think that my love of chili [or @ least my love of making chili - I enjoy making food far more than I enjoy eating it] has been pretty well documented. I have been making vegetarian food pretty exclusively [with the exception of sausages and sandwiches] for the past eight months or so. In this time I have fallen in love with making tofu @ home and using it in a variety of dishes. This was a big step for me because, while I have been vegetarian for many-a year - I don't like things that are used as meat substitutes [except for hot dogs]. If I wanted to eat meat, I would eat meat. There is no subsitute. Therefore, a lot of doors to vegetarian cooking have been closed to me. Tonight I opened another one and I made vegetarian chili with lentils. Awesome unmatching bowl action:



This was deceptively tasty and extremely filling - I could barely manage one bowl, even without any sort of bread accompaniment. I have cooked with lentils before, but never with the pre-cooked lentils [the kind that are in tins]. While I don't have a real point of reference with meat anymore [it's been too long] these lentils have a meaty texture - like ground beef, but without that pesky beef flavour. The chili could have been a bit spicier, but I will definitely make it again. And use coriander next time!

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Three - Saving The World Is A Hell Of A Job

I woke up today and wasn't quite sure I had a migraine - but I knew that I did indeed have a headache. I delayed taking anything because I'm not about wasting expensive pills. Around 1pm I decided that I did have a migraine, took the pill and zoned out for about 90 minutes. At the same time Joseph was watching videos on quantum physics and superstrings and other things like that - so I had a very trippy drug-induced [prescription drugs!] "nap" which left me feeling both cautiously optimistic and weirded out. I think I might know the secret of the universe...unfortunately it's buried deep within my migraine-addled brain. All of this fancy intro is really just to excuse myself for counting going to see a film as my thing du jour. I was really not up for anything more exotic.

So tonight I saw Hellboy II [I love Roman numerals]. I think I'm bad @ reviewing films that I actually liked, but that are also reasonably popular. I mean, I could give you a million reasons why I adored Inland Empire as it's not very popular @ all...but a film like All About Eve? Well, it's just one of the finest films ever and you should see it - but I can't tell you anymore. I will try with Hellboy though as I feel that it is obviously super overshadowed by The Dark Knight [which, yes - I'm seeing soon - this is just a delay of the inevitable - but the Joker did take my ticket tonight! eeeee!]. Hellboy is unlikely win awards or garner any great acclaim - but it is a very solid comic book movie adaptation. It's a fun ride - you don't have to think too much - but it's not insipid, either. Critics have said that it's derivitive, but that's the point...it is derived from previous source material. What's more - the visuals are fantastic. Guillermo del Toro never fails to deliver on this count - and what I especially love is his use of actual costumes over lots of CGI. It's very organic and reminds me of the old Star Wars films - especially scenes with lots of creatures like the Mos Eisley Cantina and Jabba's palace. The dialogue is clever, the plot and adversaries are more original than most action films and characters are actually developed - which is more than what I can say for most non-comic book movies.

[yes, no updates for like 10 days - world record. extraordinary things have been a-happenin' but also what's been happening is crippling depression. i don't like writing when i'm like that, but i'm forcing myself out of it - so, more to come.]

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Two - A Better Class Of Criminal

I am a reasonably big Batman fan. I'm also a huge fan of Christian Bale. So when Batman Begins came out [well, in the months before it came out or trailers were available] I made it a mortal lock that it was going to be amazing. And it was. So I'm pretty darn excited about The Dark Knight - which is coming out today. I have been saying for about a month that I can't wait to see this film. Not in a "my gosh I'm so gosh-darn excited" kinda way - more in an actually causing me physical pain to not see it. Like, I just couldn't wait in a very real way. Well, in the last week I've made my peace with it - I am not going to see it for another week. I can live with it.

On my hot celeb gossip site, ONTD - making Joker-ized icons and gifs is very popular. I've never made my own icon or anything like that - I just take them from other people. And while I didn't make these - I am happy to present to you, faithful readers, my new art. I Joker-ized photos. None of them are spectacularly creative or mean or funny in the least, so I didn't really succeed I guess. It was late and I was a bit delirious, which I thought would be a benefit. However, the sea turtle of judgement [that's what I call him when he pops up on my screensaver] is really very cool.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-One - A Stitch In Time

I really, really hate pants. The only kinds of pants I wear are my many warm-ups and sometimes cargo pants or my skinny punk pants. On very rare occasions I wear jeans people get scared. My hatred of pants is mainly because they get all up in your business. Also, I'm short and pants just don't fit me. Every so often I will buy some pants and think - yes - I am either going to alter them myself or I will pay someone to do so. The results are varied, but they are rarely successful. Sometimes I do begin to alter them and then give up. Sometimes I put them on the "to be altered" pile and there they sit. Then my ass gets too fat to get into them and then they get donated. It's the circle of life. Beautiful in its own way.

Well, today I had an appointment and it was unbearably hot. I wasn't sure how skirt/dress with no nylons would look and so I turned to the evil that is pants. I have one suit that I've never worn due to lack of pants altering, but I decided that today in 90-something degree weather - this was the time for me to debut my black suit number four [black suit number five has been worn a lot and I think it's in disrepair]. In order to do that the pants would need some attention so this afternoon I finally successfully hemmed a pair of pants. I had started this process with these pants god only knows how long ago. They were started a little longer than I would currently like [this date stamps it to a time when I used to wear high heels constantly - now I've given up and I wear flats]. I stuck with the longer length [laziness strikes again as I didn't want to tear our the stitches that were already done on half a pant leg] and I wore the pants with my favourite summer clogs. Although the hem was pinned all professionally [done years ago when I started the alteration] I did the stitching in the only way I know how - crazy stitch. It's the official stitch of my people. It feels good to complete something - I don't do that nearly enough.

[i have a photo, but no before/after, so it's kinda pointless. you don't need to see me standing in front of a mirror wearing black pants.]

Day Two Hundred and Sixty - All Star

Don't get me wrong I love the All-Star Game [even when it goes 15 innings and results in me getting too little sleep even for me]. It allows the American League to deliver a walloping to the National League @ more times than just the World Series. Also, the Home Run Derby allows us yokels the opportunity to see people bang lots of dingers. What I don't love about the All-Star Game is that for TWO WHOLE DAYS I have to be without baseball [okay, some teams are back tomorrow, but the Yankees and Jays don't play until Friday]. It's completely unfair. Baseball lulls you into a safe summer place and then pulls the rug out from under you with their midsummer classic. I say - nuts to that and tonight I did something about it [instead of just saying "nuts to that"] and I initiated the first annual Wii Baseball Skills Challenge. The challenge was a face-off [no, not face/off] between me and Joseph as he's really one of the only people who knows where I live [there's a good reason for that]. The categories were: home runs, swing control and batting practice. Afterwards we also faced off in a baseball game...but...let's not talk about that. Instead, let's check out my form:



Can you tell that I used to be semi-professional amateur little league baseball? Badly? I think I need a helmet for even Wii Baseball. However, I am proud to say that I am the 2008 Wii Baseball Skills Challenge Champion! What's my secret? Well, I'm not exactly A-Rod's soulmate...my secret is mainly that I chose to play against someone from Europe. They have no baseball there. He still beat me @ the home run challenge. I'm clearly more of a finesse player. Here's one of my awesome hits!

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Nine - Trifecta

This is my third thing this fiscal week that has taken place in my outdoor space. I guess one could say that I'm trying to convince myself that I like it out there - but I remain kinda unconvinced. For one - there are way too many bugs this year. I don't think I'm alone in noticing a considerable upswing in their population this summer, am I? Normally in Toronto [especially downtown] bugs are really no problem @ all due to the pollution destroying their fragile ecosystem. Sure, I get eaten up by mosquitoes if I even think about going outside, but I'm like candy to them [and then I swell up like crazy which is pretty sexy]. So yeah, bugs + not liking to share = me still not getting on board with this whole outdoor thing. Today's post is brought to you by laundry!



That's right, today I did something that I swore I would never do once leaving my parent's house - I hung laundry outside to dry. Like the whole not eating potatoes anymore thing - I guess I am softening in my resolve in my old age. I admit - hanging laundry outside is a great thing - it's all natural and good for the environment and saves money everything - but as a kid I dreaded any type of nice weather/dirty clothes combination. The main reason? Bullet-proof pants. My friend Claire and I had some pants [mine were Gap, I think she also had Esprit] that would become hardened when hung out to dry [even with crazy amounts of fabric softener and regular dryer they were super hard] would become incredibly stiff. So we decided they were bullet proof [we never tested this out though]. They were so uncomfortable and would get all up in my business - perhaps that's why I still have such a sharp disdain for pants [other than the numerous pairs seen hanging out - thats almost my entire warm-up collection - and no, the red ones never get entirely clean]. Another negative side effect of hanging one's clothes out was that they would become a fun playground for bugs. Nothing says "I'm really not white trash" like a spider or some other kinda bug crawling out of your shirt in class. I don't have any issues with bugs, but that would still be kinda alarming.

So tonight when Joseph brought in the clothes I made sure that he shook them out really, really well so I won't get any exciting new friends. They don't feel as stiff and horrible as when my parents would hang out clothes [which, even though our winter is insanely long they would still do every week for like...nine months of the year - just to vex me I think]. Mostly though, I like the "outdoor scent" of my dryer sheets - that is preferable to the real scent of outdoors.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Eight - Blue Cardigan Optional

I have been trusted to care for a great many things when others have been away on holiday - cats, dogs, mail, etc. - but never the plants. This could possibly be because anyone who knows me knows that I am the angel of death when it comes to house plants. It was only in the past few years that I discovered that I do amazingly well with outdoor plants, flowers, vegetables, etc. Our upstairs neighbours are away this week and with great quiet comes great responsibility as they wanted me to look after their outdoor grow-ables. I got this kicked off tonight when I watered the neighbours plants. I'm providing the photo of evidence that said watering occurred. Also, I like the big bucket of fresh herbs [I'm so not into flowers as they don't have a solid function] and one of our solar lanterns.



I thought it would be an easy job as the outdoor space is small [see previous picture] and I used to water our garden most nights in our old house and I always enjoyed that [mostly because I liked to talk to all of the plants and also to see worms and other cool bugs]. However, I underestimated the amount of containers - high and low they are everywhere. And the water had to be brought up from the basement - the stairs are steep and the watering container is deceptively small. A couple of soakings happened [the hanging pots being the criminals mostly, but also my own incompetence]. Finally Joseph hooked up the hose thing and that helped things considerably. He's so s-m-r-t.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Seven - Inner Beauty Contest

There is really nothing interesting or innovative that I can offer in terms of a critique of a beauty pageant, so I'm somewhat inclined to skip the commentary on this [okay, I called the contest the Whore Off - is that feminist enough?]. However, it just wouldn't be me if I weren't a little bit verbose. Tonight I watched the entire Miss Universe contest. Sadly, there was no representative from Neptune or anywhere that wasn't Earth. Clearly, there is a powerful pro-Milky Way lobby @ work here. True - I used to watch a lot of beauty pageants when I was little. I don't think this was damaging to me in any fashion as I never really aspired to that type of beauty [okay, yes I always wanted to be skinny and pretty - but that would have been regardless], but I did really enjoy judging people. It's a fine tradition I've carried with me through the rest of my life. I also enjoyed picking the winner - it was something that was always very transparent to me.

Well, even though I'm a bit rusty this year I spotted the winner immediately - though I was concerned that she seemed a bit too sexy [generally beauty pageant people look very wholesome/dull if not way too pretty]. As an added bonus Miss USA totally wiped out for the second year in a row - I think it's something they must be trained to do - very suspicious [if anyone can laugh @ people falling down it's me - I make frequent trips to the ground and I must laugh them off]. But overall, the whole show is just so very icky. And while the types of things it rewards are highly dubious ways to value people - I will say that the contestants are likely better role models than other young women in the public spotlight. While both Hollywood/the pop music industry and pageants both are insanely superficial...at least the beauty queens have to pretend to be nice and possibly actually do some good things [charity work, etc.] to get where they are. Famous girls are rewarded for any amount of bad things - it's like a badge of honour to have a DUI or to be caught out doing something nasty. However, both types are likely to lead to decreased self-esteem and body image issues so one is better off reading something inspiring instead [until you're as old as me and able to consume all the hot celeb gossip in the world and remain unaffected].

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Six - Now I's Just Like Britney Spears

Ages ago [March to be specific] fellow thing-a-dayer Jen S. made some delicious looking red velvet cupcakes. Mmmmm - cupcakes. I thought - I should make those as I have never had red velvet cake of any type, although I was familiar with it. I believe that it is most popular in the southern US and Britney Spears served it @ her very classy wedding to K-Fed. I had no clue what it might taste like, but I plunged right ahead and tonight I made red velvet cupcakes. This is actually the first time that I have ever made cupcakes, despite the fact that I do love them dearly [I don't have any recipes for low-fat cupcakes]. Also, it's the first time I've used a recipe from a "real person" [meaning that I've ganked recipes from the internets before and I'm assuming that real people put them up, but I don't know them in any fashion - I feel like I know Jen a bit since I do read her blog daily]. So, I will let my dear readers be the judge of how the cupcakes turned out [the frosting was added later].



May I point out the obvious? They aren't red!?! Okay, I admit I didn't add as much red food colouring as the recipe suggested. That's kinda part of my problem with baking - the recipes aren't just suggestions...you should really do exactly what they say - or else. And yet, I wished I had photographed them going into the oven because they were totally red then [and almost hot pink before I finished adding all the dry ingredients]. However, they taste exceptionally delicious, so I guess they are forgiven for not being deliciously red.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Five - Take Me Out To The Ballgame

I do love me some baseball. Pretty much unconditionally [accepting that Major League Baseball and many of its players and owners have a variety of problems that I can't let distract me from my love of the game]. And yet, I'm starting to compile a pretty major list of things that have to happen in order for me to enjoy live baseball. For example - I will need to enjoy overpriced food and highly overpriced beer [the largest beer possible to be precise], I do not like going to outdoor afternoon games [in particular @ SkyDome - strangely @ some other parks this dreadful combination of baseball + sunshine is a-okay - the wind really swirls around inside that park giving me both outdoor face and really jacked up hair], I like to sit right behind homeplate, etc. And I'm now officially adding that I do like to be accompanied by someone to the game because tonight I went to a baseball game alone. Granted, I was only alone for the first 45 minutes, but it might as well have been an eternity. I'm including a photo with Joseph cropped out from the previous baseball game we attended @ the end of June. I look highly dorky and a bit fat.



The reason I initially went to the game alone is because Joseph has a habit of being late [I also have this habit so I can't complain too much - I run on my own time and I think the rest of the world should just adjust]. He wanted someone to go on time to enjoy the game, so off I went. It was very difficult to get into the spirit of the game and the energy as everyone else was cavorting with friends and family. And I was walking up all the ramps all alone. Then I had to defend our seats [like when someone thinks they have your seat or they are just swiping yours] all alone. I dunno - I love watching baseball alone @ home on TV [I'm with TV so I'm not technically alone] and I do get excited and cheer and junk. However, alone in big ballpark I couldn't focus on anything aside from not being the loser dork in the stands all alone. I was going to attempt to score the game, but I couldn't find a program for sale - is this not something that is done anymore? Because that's a tremendous kind of dorky [yes, I used to score games all the time @ home and while listening to baseball on the radio] that I can fully get behind and I would love to do this as a future ET.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Four - Sunny Days

I have been working three days per week since April. I have tried to not let this stress me out too much as I have enough money to pay the bills and enough time to do volunteer work and also do some writing. And yet, the stress - she is inevitable. Joseph has been trying to encourage me to relax more and just enjoy my time off. I do try to do this [I swear] and I feel like if I do start having a good time I will likely be employed full-time in no time. Because life's like that. However, obviously there is a budget to my good timery. Today was a beautiful day and not the usual smog soup o' Toronto summer plus my hair takes a good three hours to dry inside so instead I relaxed in our backyard. See - I know it doesn't sound like much, but this is something I don't ever do. Also, I keep saying how I don't have outdoor space and I really don't. Kinda. I mean, there is outdoor space surrounding my door and here's the proof [this is taken from my back step].



And yet, I consistently do not go out there. We share the space with the other people that live in the house and I suppose I'm not very good @ sharing [okay, I know I'm not very good @ sharing - give me a break, I'm an only child]. If I can't have something to myself I find that I'm not very intersted. However I will admit that it was nice to just sit out there with a cool drink in the shade and it's something I'm more likely to do now that I've done it once. And yet, I totally scurried back inside when I heard approaching footsteps. A bit of sunshine apparently doesn't do much to warm up my social skills.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Three - SquarePants

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. If nautical nonsense is something you wish - then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. Okay - I think that kinda sums up my previous knowledge of sponges. And, I admit that is my knowledge of fictional talking sponges. Not mute dishwashing sponges. Anyway, I was cruising around Wikihow one day a while back when I came across an interesting article [please note: probably only interesting to me]. I decided to try it out. Here's the teaser:



What the heck do I have in that microwave? Could it be? Why yes, it's a sponge! Take a closer look:



Tonight after doing the dishes I microwaved a sponge. Why on earth would I do this? Well, it actually has some practical reasoning behind it - I'm not just the kinda person who takes a lot of drugs and shoves things into the microwave [like we all learned about in school]. Apparently the best way to clean a sponge is to microwave it. This won't get rid of icky sponge stains [mine has blueberry stains, but is otherwise a pleasant SpongeBob yellow], but it will get rid of over 99% of potentially harmful bacteria if microwaved for 2 minutes. You have to make sure that the sponge is not dry or rung out or else it could totally light on fire. Also, refrain from touching the sponge immediately after as it's wicked hot. I did the cleaning in two one-minute bursts as I was afraid of fire [and armed with a fire extinguisher], but our microwave is pretty crummy. It provided our kitchen with a rather interesting odour [not entirely unpleasant - just strange - it will not be a Febreeze scent anytime soon I don't think].

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Two - Because Lisa Thinks I'm Cool

It all started with a box. Actually, that's not true. Things started with my day off and my frustration with loud music blasting for several hours in a row. I was about to storm out of the house in a righteous rage [to enjoy the awesome smog/humidity soup outside of course] when I discovered it. The box!



So - if I may borrow from Brad Pitt - what's in the box? what's in the box? tell me what's in the box? In the box is a little treat for me due to my obvious coolness [at least I hope it's obvious] - I got a free Zune! Thanks to my supercool friend Lisa who has a supercool job giving away cool things to cool people I have been tagged as a Zune Influencer. Here's how Lisa's company works: 1. Give away exciting products to exciting people; 2. ???; 3. Profit! I represent the ??? part. Obviously. Joseph really likes the packaging for the Zune, so here's a picture of everything so everyone can enjoy.



I am totally excited to be a part of all of this coolness [and not just because the fancy headphones might stop me from being annoyed @ future noisy house days]. I do have an MP3 player, but it's half the size [not physical size] and almost a year old. I sense that modern electronics don't last as long as their humble ancestors, so I'm pleased to have another option if my current one cacks out. Also, I couldn't be more delighted that it's not an iPod - the rebellion continues! It has a very sleek and futuristic design and also - it says in a tiny cute font "Hello from Seattle" on the back and I think that's just darling.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-One - Handle First

Tonight I ran with scissors. Down the middle of the street [please note stalkers - this is not my street, but one around my house]. Children were present so I'm sure I set an appropriate example of what one can become later in life if one obeys the rules as a young 'un. Also present were lots of gawking yokels on porches in our neighbourhood. I'm posting a photo of me running down the middle of the street and one of me on the pavements. You can't see the scissors in either one. What I'm hoping is that what I lack in quality I make up for in quantity [in terms of photos]. You can't even see my sweet DBZ t-shirt. You can, however, see my gigantic fat ass - life's like that.





I'm sure that I never ran with scissors as a kid. I've had to be as safety conscious as possible my whole life as I'm the biggest dumbass klutz to ever live. I could probably injure myself sitting on the sofa [and yes, most of my worst injuries have occurred in the stupidest ways - not while engaging in any risk-taking behaviour]. Something I used to do with scissors as a kid...trim the shag carpeting. I didn't think my parents would notice and they never did. It was so thick and lustrous. And gold. Like a glorious mane...of carpetting.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty - Juice For Life

I love me some Juice For Life - that much is true. However, sometimes I get discouraged from going there because there is always some crazy queue like 95% of the day or because I know that when I go there I eat myself sick [one time literally] or because it's 11pm on a Sunday evening and JFL is closed. Tonight was one of those times. However, I was able to draw inspiration from them and I made my own fruit smoothie. I was unable to think of a clever name though - all of the drinks @ JFL have cute names. My new favourite is Dr. Tomato. For obvious reasons.



Joseph has been fighting off the last of his illness and I was optimistic that an antioxidant-packed drink could push him over the top. Therefore my smoothie was some bananas, a lot of blueberries, honey, a little bit of milk and a bit of vanilla yogurt. It's actually much more purple than what the photo would indicate. And much more appetizing in both taste and smell. I couldn't quite finish one cup - it was like a meal in liquid form. Enough to induce a decent and unprecedented smoothie coma.

[also - I cannot urge you enough...if you don't already have one you must get yourself an immersion blender. really, you must. they are inexpensive and endlessly useful and it will change your life - for the better.]

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Nine - New Coke

This is Sumol. Sumol is the Coca-Cola of Portugal. Actually, I strongly suspect that Coca-Cola is the Coca-Cola of Portugal, but it's fun to make sweeping generalizations about things that you don't know anything about. Though, living in a predominately Portugese neighbourhood for the past six years I guess I go know a bit about Portugal.



Since I do a lot of food-related things here on le blog I've decided to fully embrace it and attempt to find one new thing to eat @ our crummy grocery store or @ the local farmer's market each week. As our crummy grocery store is located in the same Portugese neighbourhood that we live in, they frequently do pages of specials on "Portugese Favourites" - I'm not sure of the authenticity of this claim, but apparently Sumol qualifies. I was thwarted in my attempt to purchase fava beans [another Portugese favourite apparently] so I drank Sumol instead. I was a little wary as it is an orange carbonated drink and as much as I love fizzy drinks the egg cream taught me an important lesson that fizzy can sometimes go so very wrong. Also, I loathe pulp. I was pleasantly surprised. It tastes quite a bit like Orangina, but with some extra zing. The more I drank the sweeter it got. Kinda ended up tasting like Baby Aspirins, but I love the taste of Baby Aspirins [or @ least I used to - this is probably why I'm so hooked on so many OTC meds], so that was a-okay with me. It's also supercute that it says "drink chilly cold" on the side of the glass bottle [I lurve glass bottled beverages]

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Eight - Yankee Doodle Dandy

It seems like it's been a while since one of my ETs has been a spectacular failure. I'm happy to report that today's really was. I attempted to celebrate the Fourth of July and not too much of it really went right. To be honest I have celebrated Independence Day before when actually in America - it was quite fun with BBQ and fireworks and such. Appropriately American. Today I wanted to celebrate with hot dogs, apple pie, fireworks [okay, sparklers - I have no backyard] and my favourite baseball-themed film, The Sandlot. Also, I did get some chips and ice cream and Coca-Cola which I felt were also appropriate.

However, today was not a great day. Joseph has been sick for a few days now and he was really very ill today. I woke up with a strange tension headache that would not quiet down and grew to epic proportions as the day wore on. I went to three different movie rental places to find The Sandlot and I was thrice denied [though the crummy Blockbuster has the second and third ones - boo!]. I went to our very local store to get the sparklers, but after Canada Day the dude was all sold out [yes, I call the store owner "the dude" whereas the guy @ the newsstand in Dufferin subway is "guy"] of any kind of small explode-able. Despite my hot dog buns getting dreadfully smushed - I was able to make hot dogs for dinner and we both managed to eat one [this was quite the effort though]. And then we watched baseball which is an okay compromise to the film, I guess. I was too sick feeling for the Coke and pie so it will have to wait for my glorious 5th of July celebration.

Sorry America - we're still friends though, right?

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Seven - Bonne Fete!

I didn't mention it yesterday - but when I was younger I spent a fair amount of time in the USA. I went to camp there and we spent about 99% of our holiday time there. My dad used to like to test Americans of their knowledge on Canada - kinda like Alex Trebek [seriously - there are always a healthy number of Canadiana questions on Jeopardy] and since he was a big American history buff he could always answer questions tossed back his way. One thing I discovered about Americans is that a lot of them assumed that every Canadian could speak French. I was suprised @ this because I didn't really know many Canadians [other than me] who could speak French and also - Quebec is just one province - why are they so popular in the USA? They must have some good PR people. So yes, my French language skills failed to impress Americans as they just thought - well, duh - you are Canadian so *of course* you speak French.

Anyway, lots of celebrations this week - Canada Day, Independence Day and also it's Quebec City's 400th anniversary. By North American standards they are positively ancient. I love Quebec City and find it to be the most magical/whimsical place in Canada [please note: I have not seen very much of Canada so if your corner of it can kick Quebec City's ass please let me know]. I was interested in seeing some of the coverage of the celebrations so I watched the nightly news in French. And - apparently this is where my ignorance shows up as while the broadcast was in French, it did not originate in Quebec. I kinda forgot that there are French-speaking Ontario residents as well - ooops. There was some coverage of the celebrations, but mostly it was just regular Ontario news [I couldn't determine where their origin was exactly] but in French. I failed to understand a lot of it as my French is beyond horrible @ the moment. I liked the entertainment news @ the end when they reviewed movies in French and also the sport report. It was interesting because when they interviewed someone [or yanked from another source] and they spoke English [like say Will Smith for Hancock] they just kept it in English, assuming their audience would understand. And while it's probably true that if you speak French in Canada you most likely do speak English - it's kinda offensive and not something that would fly the other way around.

So - bonne fete Quebec City! I do hope to visit again soon. I know - I have so many other Canadian places to visit, but Quebec is a guaranteed winner so why mess with that?

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Six - Born On The Fourth Of July

When I was very small I thought that I was American. This wasn't because I was particularly dim - but because of TV [I can blame a lot in my life on TV]. My dad watched Good Morning American every weekday morning and my mum watched Dallas every Thursday night. From watching various sporting events I heard the American national anthem a lot...and yeah...I just kinda assumed. As I got older I suffered through various bouts of America envy as they had so many of the things that my country lacked: the New York Yankees, New Kids on the Block and Gap stores everywhere [to name a few of the most important]. Eventually I learned to stop worrying and love my own country [even if I do envy America once again as I'm totally obsessed with their politics].

However, plenty of people still flock to the good olde US of A and when they decide to stay for good [after they get permission from Lou Dobbs of course] they have to take a citizenship test. Today I took a mini US citizenship test. I got 75% - which I was a little surprised with as I thought I would be more flawless than that. I know my American history better than Canadian [what can I say - we are polite and therefore a bit dull - just admit it fellow Canucks]. Joseph got his citizenship a few years ago and the study questions were quite difficult and certainly not things that I learned as part of general growing up Canadian. Of course, I probably should have paid more attention in history class instead of mentally drifting off and then being forced to write essays on "The War" [yes, just the war - with no further specifics as I never learned anything about WWI in high school].

If you want to take the test and score higher than me - you can do so here - good luck!

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Five - Herbal Enhancement

Those who read le blog with any regularity know that I suffer from migraine episodes. While these generally happen about once or twice per month [don't worry they sometimes last for multiple days so I'm really getting the most bang for my buck. However, perhaps I haven't mentioned that I also get a lot of other crummy little/medium/big headaches throughout the month [please note that a big headache is probably not a migraine]. Generally these are dispatched or lessened with some extra strength Tylenol or something akin to that. I take a lot of the stuff [I used to take a lot of extra strength Aspirin, but started getting big stomach problems and bruising like a peach] and I think this is not really the greatest thing.

Yesterday I was in one of those hippie drug stores [you know what I'm talking about], looking for teas that might make me sleepy but not taste revolting. Alas, such a thing does not exist [I take valerian to sleep and it smells so bad - I can't imagine drinking it]. Then, perhaps brought on by my headache I thought of feverfew and they had it so I bought it. In the process of doing this I learned that feverfew can be taken daily to potentially prevent headaches [including migraine]. Interesting. I'll try anything to lessen my head pain so tonight I started taking feverfew. I have no real faith that this will work. I was taking glucosamine for months and months and I thought - hey, this is really helping my knee. Then, my pills ran out and I forgot to buy more and amazingly enough my knee felt the exact same. When people get relief from questionable products - I'm kinda divided...I mean, it's great that they feel less pain and stuff...but you are kinda just tossing out your money. I'm not interested in doing that. But - we shall see. I'm a little put off by the fact that feverfew could cause stomach problems - I have enough of those. But still - down with head pain!

[PS - Happy Canada Day! It really is Canada Day - it really exists. I feel the need to clarify that Canada Day is a real thing as back when I was a youngster @ camp in the USA no one believed me.]