Day Two Hundred and Seven - It's Not The Years, It's The Mileage

I suppose I should issue a warning and say right now that if you haven't seen the latest Indiana Jones film and you don't like being spoiler-ed then you should probably stop reading right now. Also, if you are a fanboy/girl you should also stop reading. Because I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and I am fully prepared to blog all about it. And it's not going to be pretty.

Let's just say this - I am so rarely filled with girlish [or womanly] glee - but as I sat in that darkened cinema I really and truly was - very much so. However, less than a third of the way into the film I wished more than anything that I had never gone to see it in the first place. I'm not saying that this installment killed my childhood or my love for the previous films, because I'm not quite that melodramatic. But, I know Indiana Jones, I love Indiana Jones...and that, friends, is no Indiana Jones. Generally I'm not so guarded against spoilers [and sometimes I actively seek them out if they are movies/programs I'm not otherwise interested in], but this time I protected myself against spoilers, plot points, even still photos. That was a big mistake. Had I known that this would be Indiana Jones vs the Space Invaders of Galgamek-5...well, let's just say that my butt would not have been in the seat. The acting performances were all fine [yes, even Shia] although most characters weren't given much @ all to do. Everything else was terrible [okay, I liked the ants because it reminds me of that MacGuyver episode that everyone has seen and I like stuff like that generally]. The dialogue [show me, don't tell me!], the directing, the editing, the plot [ummm - what plot? there be no plot here], the McGuffin [that wasn't]...all crap. Just say no, kids [it's solid advice].

Another thing of note is that it's pretty darn extraordinary of me to go to a "big box cinema" type place. The first time I went to this cinema the whole experience was so bewildering and it still kinda is with all of the lights and music and unnecessary-ness of everything. However, it's not quite summer until I go to that cinema [the only films I see there are summer blockbusters]. This time it was incredibly sticky [even for a theatre - I went out for candy and I could barely move my feet] and smelled incredibly rank [everyone was commenting on that as they entered the theatre]. Say what you will about the vermin-infested Bloor - it never smells that bad! Though, in hindsight I think that was just a sensory commentary on the film I was about to see...